I have been on a diet for half of my life and I have still not cracked it.
I have cut out carbs, fat, sugar, fruit, meat, and vegetables, yet I am further away from my goal weight than when I started.
I have counted points, weighed, measured, and cut off all the tastiest bits of meat; but I am still not back into my pre-pregnancy jeans.
I can go months without chocolate, but could devour a monster sized packet of crisps in 10-minutes flat. Every day.
Cake does not call out to me, but show me a cheese board and it will not be there again when you look back.
Steak night is enjoyed with red wine. Pasta with cheese on top. Salads with avocado and streaky bacon.
For many years, I have been trapped in a vicious cycle of feast or famine. A few months of over indulging inevitably leads to a few
months weeks of extreme guilt dieting.
I am bored of it! Bored of the weeks when I can’t stop pigging out. Bored of restricting food groups and portion sizes. Bored of thinking about food, talking about food, blogging about food.
Yet here I am again, typing away about frigging food and this awful pattern I am stuck in.
When it comes to diets, I have tried them all.
I liked Weightwatchers because it allowed me to drink wine, until I realised I still had to track the wine and saw what a 125ml measure really looks like. When I worked out the points value of my interpretation of what ‘a glass’ is, there was very little left for food.
I liked Atkins because I did not have to track anything, including wine! However, the combination of a low-carb diet and wine will make you more likely to order a pizza at 10pm and not remember doing so. If you are on Atkins and you stop losing weight, late night drunk snacking may well be the reason.
The 5:2 was good, because really you only have to limit yourself for 2 days and then eat normally for the rest of the week. Although, I had to promise the Greek God(zilla) to never, ever, go on it again due to severe hunger induced bitchiness.
The 4-hour body diet seemed easy enough to follow, plus came with the added luxury of a cheat day where you are encouraged to binge on chocolate, crisps and all the other good stuff you deprive yourself of during the week while you are busy thinking up new and exciting ways to cook beans. Beware of the wind.
The diet with both the fastest result AND the fastest quit rate, was the Dukan. I dropped 10lbs in 2-weeks but could not bear to look at another slice of ham by the end of it. A good pre-holiday bikini diet perhaps… although it has been so long since I have actually worn a bikini, they may well be called something entirely different by now.
I Quit Sugar by Aussie babe, Sarah Wilson. This book made the most sense to me and I found it really easy to follow. I did not lose a single pound though. Not one. Probably because it said to snack on cheese. I like cheese.
The South Beach diet, which is a bit like the Atkins.
You Are What You Eat, which turned me into a quinoa & bean casserole for 3-weeks.
Carol Voderman’s 28-day detox, which is by far the healthiest I felt and kept me nice and regular, but try being a vegan when you are married to a Greek.
Eat less and move more. That has to be all there is to it, so why can’t I manage it?!
Last week, I was advised to lose weight and exercise to bring my BMI and cholesterol down.
I WOULD LOVE TO!
I have been thinking about diets for half of my life.
I like carbs and I like meat and I like vegetables and most of the time, I like them all on my plate at the same time.
I understand that cheese, bread, and wine are not to be eliminated, but enjoyed in moderation. I can live with that so long as I can eat roast chicken and potatoes TOGETHER, and in a portion designed to fill more than a side plate.
I don’t even mind doing a bit of gentle exercise if I really have to, but boot camp will never be for me.
I need something I can stick to. Something I WILL stick to.
The nurse at my GP surgery handed me a leaflet for Slimming World.
There is no measuring, weighing, eliminating, or combining required.
And let’s face it, it is the only diet left in the world for me try.
If I don’t crack it with this one, there is no hope of ever squeezing back into those pre-pregnancy jeans.
Although to be honest, at this stage I’d just settle for pulling them up past my knees.