Limbo

Whenever I’ve not been able to write in the past, it has been because there was something going on in my life that I could not or did not want to write about.

Some things are too trivial, others feel too huge.

Some are too private.  Others are not just my story to tell.

Many I worry are too self-indulgent, too judgmental, too superficial.

But there are times when my thoughts are filled with these things and writing about anything other than them seems impossible.

So, I end up in some kind of limbo, where I want to write something but just can’t seem to get started and end up watching Grey’s Anatomy instead.

Sometimes I’ll busy myself with anything other than the blank screen in front of me, and other times I’ll ignore everything else in favour of it.

Eventually it passes.

The thing that is holding me back will change course, or I find a way around it.

At the moment, I am in limbo again and I thought I did not know why.

But, I do.

It is because I thought I was on one road and I have since discovered it may be possible to embark on another.

There is a crossroads up ahead where I can turn around and continue as I was; or I can change direction and see where it takes me.

Where an entirely different future awaits.  One that a few years ago, I thought I wanted.

One that I am not sure I am ready to give up on entirely, but I am not ready to hop, skip and jump over to again either.

Most of me has moved on.

There is a saying that those who take the biggest risk get the biggest reward, but I wonder if sometimes the biggest reward can come from simply standing still.

Remaining steady on your feet and taking in the air around you.

I am happy here.

Sometimes saying no is not giving up at all, it is just letting go.

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