Raising My Game

At the end of last year, I thought that my theme for 2013 was going to be a year of new starts.  A couple of weeks later, events took an unexpected turn and I had to reassess.

With no longer any guarantees towards the life I had envisioned for us, I revised my theme for 2013 and decided that I was going to make it the year that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone instead.

I had been so caught up in a cycle of being pregnant/not being pregnant, looking after a 3-year old boy, while also working full-time on the other side of London, that life seemed to have simply passed me by.

I was about to turn 40 and I wanted to take back control.  I did not want to be afraid to really live my life.  I wanted to stop letting fear of the unknown make decisions for me.  I wanted to say Yes to more opportunities than No.

I wanted to have fun again, laugh, be impulsive.

In the months that followed, I accepted offers to be interviewed by Red magazine and contributed a blog post to Red online.  I quit my job to spend more time at home with my son.  I changed my twitter handle from @smudgerella to @grenglishblog.  I asked for further investigations into my two miscarriages and discovered I have an auto immune condition called Hashimoto’s disease.  I stopped eating gluten.  I agreed to be filmed for 4-weeks as part of a TV show that will be aired next year.  I went to Paris… for lunch.  I threw a big party for my 40th birthday.  I entered a competition to win a ticket to Blogfest and I won!  I turned my hobby as a blogger into a paid profession.  I bought an iPhone.  I walked my son to and from school every day.  I cut my long hair short, grew out my fringe and added highlights.  May seem trivial, but for the first time in years I like my hair.

I formed new bonds and made new friendships.  I walked nervously into big rooms full of strangers, wearing a big smile.  I took my boys to Devon for the first time, a place where I spent many summer holidays growing up.  I made my own pizza dough.  I played croquet and made my own Christmas gift tags with the WI.

I did learn a lot this year and I laughed even more.  I may not be good at everything and certainly not the best at anything, but I feel like myself again.

I want to continue to do all of these things next year, but to do them all better.  So, my theme for 2014 is to raise my game.

I want to focus even more on my son.  Play more, get outside more, learn more.

I want to be a better wife.  Listen more, talk more, spend more time together.

I want to be a  better cook.  Make more meals from scratch, be more adventurous, take more time.

I want to a better blogger.  Write more, read more, comment more.

I want to work more; and spend less of my down time on Netflix.

I want to be a better friend.  Make more time.  See more people.  Make more effort.

I want to make my time on the committee of the East Dulwich WI count, not just pop along for the wine.

I want to feel more organised, more on top of it all, more in control.

I want to raise my game and see where life takes me.

*****

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