Written in partnership with the The Portland Hospital.
When I got pregnant just 3-months after my miscarriage, I was still dealing with lingering feelings of loss and sadness. I thought seeing the word ‘Pregnant’ appear on the pregnancy test would make me feel as happy and excited as it had with my first two pregnancies; but it was quite the opposite. From the moment I knew I was expecting another baby, I mostly felt scared and anxious.
While friends and family all around me were happily announcing the news of their pregnancies, I kept my own hidden. I could not bear to have to break it to everyone all over again that another pregnancy had ended before it had even got started.
I remember going in for an early pregnancy scan at my local hospital, waiting to learn my fate. Sitting beside me were women of all stages of pregnancy, some feeling kicks and others holding scan photos. I sat quietly. Waiting, obsessing and bargaining. Although an even earlier scan at 7-weeks had detected a faint heartbeat, I was told the foetus was not measuring as far along as it should. I was hoping it was just a case of getting my dates wrong, but deep down I knew that I hadn’t.
Finally my name was called and 10-minutes later, I discovered what I had feared all along – I had miscarried again.
A kind nurse found a small office for me to sit and cry, call my husband, and let the news sink in. It is the most alone and scared I have ever felt.
As it was my second miscarriage and because I was approaching my 40th birthday, I was offered further tests on the NHS. However, their policy is often to only check for any underlying cause after three or more miscarriages in a row, so many couples never know why and understandably feel even more anxious with each subsequent pregnancy.
I remember losing confidence in my body for not working in the way it was supposed to. When I did find out that elevated levels of thyroid antibodies were responsible for my miscarriages, I was too scared to try again.
Although the cost was not an option for us at the time, the private maternity services at The Portland Hospital could provide many women the extra reassurance they need when they are feeling at their most vulnerable.
There are many benefits including having the continuity of a team of midwives, a consultant that understands your medical history, one-to-one care throughout, and the comfort of complete privacy in your surroundings.
Pregnancy after miscarriage will never be easy. Most of the first trimester will be spent fraught with nerves. I was happy with the care I received on the NHS, but at times when you have more reason to feel anxious about your health and well being, then somewhere like The Portland Hospital could provide the peace of mind you need.
This post was written in partnership with the The Portland Hospital.