Children, Life, Miscarriage, Parenting
comments 16

My Miracle Baby

They call them miracle babies, the ones conceived after years of unexplained infertility.

The couples who try and try and try and then one day, when they are least expecting it, when they have all but given up hope, something in the sky aligns, the timing is right and they are pregnant.

There are also many babies conceived on the first attempt. Couples who did not have to endure months of trying, the two-week wait that feels like an age, or the disappointment when the line does not turn blue. Again.

That was us.

The Greek God(zilla) and I got pregnant with our son on the first attempt. I did not have to pee on a single ovulation stick, keep a fertility diary, or consider assisted conception.

I did not really understand the struggle many other couples go through then. I had no idea of the feelings of frustration, anger, resentment, confusion and deep sadness that follows when it just doesn’t seem to work out.

Until we started trying for number two.

I think I assumed it would just happen for us quickly again. In fact, I was so convinced that it had worked the first time, that when my period arrived a couple of weeks later, I was genuinely shocked!

When it did not happen again the next month, or in any of the 6-months that followed, I purchased an ovulation predictor kit. I went for acupuncture. I started slipping the Greek God(zilla) vitamin C and zinc. I cut out caffeine, wine and wheat for half the month, then when my period inevitably arrived, I’d binge on it ALL.  I thought I must be doing something wrong, as it had been so easy for us the first time round.

I cringed at how naive I had been before, how smug I must have sounded, and how insensitive I must have come across to anyone having a very different experience to me.

After about a year, I did fall pregnant, but our happiness was to be short-lived, as 11-weeks later we discovered our baby did not have a heartbeat.

I fell pregnant again about 3-months after that, but an early pregnancy scan confirmed the same thing had happened once more.

We were just too heartbroken to try again.

But, we have our boy, our beautiful boy, and our family feels complete.

He is my miracle baby. The one who came along when something in the sky aligned and the timing was right.

We just did not know it at the time.

16 Comments

  1. I saw the link to this post on Facebook and had to read. We are now about 15 months into trying to conceive our 2nd child together (3rd for me). I have been diagnosed with poly cystic ovaries which was a bit of a shock. My daughter is not even 3 yet and I spend days wondering why, why me. What caused these little blights to develop. I have taken a view that possibly my life was never meant to include three children and this is the way it was intended. I am awaiting a date to have a laparoscopy to clear my tubes out in hopes that this will assist. As you rightly point out, the blessings we have already are what we should focus on. But how I miss something, something I’ve never had.

    • I am so sorry you are going through this but I hope the laparoscopy helps and number 3 will soon be on the way for you!

  2. I was lucky enough to fall pregnant quite quickly after losing a stone or two to try and help the cause… it took a couple of months, simply for the fact my partner at the time worked abroad. As you say, something aligned in the right way and we were blessed with my stunning daughter who is my absolute world… she even talks for the entire world too!! 😉 xx
    Sim @ Sims Life recently posted…Weight Loss Wednesday – Week 11 #WeightLossWednesdayMy Profile

  3. Sometimes things align perfectly and sometimes they just don’t no matter how many times you try. I think that’s the hardest thing to accept when you’re trying for a baby as sometimes there is just no logic to it at all and when it happens to you all you can see around you are people who weren’t even trying to get pregnant (or even in some cases didn’t want or deserve to get pregnant) and yet for them it happens as easily as sneezing. The lack of logic behind what is going on just makes it all so much harder to accept emotionally too.
    Penny Carr recently posted…What do a cute little tin, potato starch and almonds have in common? #StationeryWednesdayMy Profile

  4. Like you I conceived the first time without even really having to try. And then did it twice more. I have no idea of the pain of it not happening when I want it to, or it happening and then losing the baby or babies with a miscarriage.

    A friend of mine has just had her miracle baby too after several miscarriages and the most monitored pregnancy I have ever heard about.

    These babies are indeed miracles and oh so very special.

  5. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries in my early twenties and counselled very early on that I was likely to find it difficult to conceive naturally. I remember my Gynae’s words were “Not impossible, but likely to get very expensive.” With that in mind Mr B and I were prepared for a long wait. That wait turned out to be 3 weeks from which he was left INSANELY proud and me INSANELY NOT READY! I thought it would take a year or most likely several. Then, not feeling at all ready, I bled at just 5 weeks in. We had an agonising 8 day wait to test for a heartbeat and, for which I am forever grateful, there it was. I will never forget the sheer joy and relief we felt at that scan, and then the stark realisation that wehad to walk through a waiting room full of the most scared and emotionally wrought looking folks ever. The folks we had been just ten minutes earlier. Ithen realised I was totally invested in my baby at 5 weeks. Although I cannot understand the pain of losing a baby at 11 weeks I can almost imagine with the fear I felt at just five. I am so, so sorry lovely lady. But you do have your miracle baby, and he is just gorgeous. x
    Mum of One recently posted…Spring Fashion For BoysMy Profile

  6. Oh I totally totally sympathise. The exact same thing happened with us. Easy first conception resulting in beautiful boy, and then months of trying followed by two losses within a few months of each other. Heartbreaking is an understatement.
    We chose to keep trying despite the possibility of a third loss, and thankfully we now have a second son to show for it, he is now 15 months old.
    Just the other day I held him close and as strange as it sounds I actually thanked fate/God/the stars (pick one!) that those losses had happened, as without those we would not have our baby boy now who is such an amazing little individual. Yes I know either of the lost babies we could have had would have been equally lovely and loved, but I feel that our littlest man is the one we were meant to have and I wouldn’t change a thing. He’s definitely our rainbow.
    I hope that whatever your future holds, you will feel as lucky as I do however many babies you have. It really opened my eyes to what a miracle this whole having babies thing really is!
    If you would like to talk more do email me. Big hug x

    • Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I do feel lucky and in some ways, think this is the way it is meant to be.

  7. So beautifully written and emotive Sarah. It’s impossible to make sense of the whys and timings. A neighbour of mine has spoken to me of similar issues and although it’s not something I have experience of I have seen how deeply it affects people. Celebrating what you have is a beautiful trait x
    Annie recently posted…Balancing family and blogging – slow parentingMy Profile

  8. Beautiful post Sarah and I’m so sorry things have been so hard for you over the last few years.

    I had fertility treatment for my first and remember well those long two week waits, dashed hopes and tears.

    Lots of love, Emma xx
    Emma recently posted…Face Painting – Living Arrows 11/52My Profile

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge