I have been a bit quiet of late.
On here, at home, in life.
There is nothing wrong, not really. Just sometimes, being around people, online and offline, can feel a bit exhausting.
Recently, I’ve taken some time back for myself.
I have been here before you see; but not understanding myself or my body well enough then was partly responsible for some of the more drastic decisions I have made in my life. Feeling stifled in a job, a friendship, or a relationship is not really reason enough to up roots and escape to the other side of the world. Although, I certainly do not regret that time, now that I am a married mother in my (early) forties, I thought I should learn to recognise the signs of impending social burnout and manage it like a grown-up.
I think I come across as quite a sociable person and for the most part, I suppose that I am. I do genuinely enjoy the company of family and friends, but I work very hard to appear as chatty and outgoing as people often perceive me to be, and I need time to recharge in between.
A few consecutive days of being ‘on’ can easily drain me. This year, it feels I have been ‘on’ a lot. It could stem from my resolution at the beginning of this year to raise my game, meaning I pushed myself to try harder at everything and with everyone. Working from home and the loneliness this brings, means I probably packed our diary too full with people, parties and playdates.
Eventually, the commitments I made started to feel overwhelming and the familiar brain fog started to set in, which is not helped by my autoimmune condition.
I started to feel tired all of the time, my body ached and my mind felt fuzzy.
Too much of a good thing is bad for me.
I needed to balance all of the social busyness with some peace and solitude.
So, that is what I have been doing. If you are wondering where I have been, I have been sleeping.
I closed my diary, switched off the computer and enjoyed a few weeks of early nights, camomile tea and walks outdoors.
I took care of outstanding house admin, saw my doctor about my awful skin, and read to my son.
I didn’t plan to take the time, but I definitely needed it, and now it feels really good to be back.