Why you will never see me at Glastonbury

Why you will never see me at Glastonbury

Ok, so I’m just going to say it.

You may think less of me, you may feel sorry for me or think I am missing out, and some of you may even want to try to make me change my mind but it will not make any difference at all.

There is absolutely nothing that anyone can say, or do, that will EVER make me want to go to Glastonbury.

Or any outdoor festival, live gig, or concert again.

There, I’ve said it.

It is not that I don’t enjoy live music, of course I do when it is in the comfort of my own home or perhaps a swanky hotel bar.  Just not enough to want to stand in a muddy field, knee-deep in discarded burger wrappers, while a man relieves himself in an empty water bottle beside me because the queue for the portaloo is 3-miles long.

I just don’t get it.

For one, I do not like to queue for more than 10/15 minutes at most.  After this time, I become decidedly tetchy and consider turning around and heading back home.  I have abandoned many a shopping basket, clothing purchase, or food item for this very reason alone.

Also, I really really like sitting down.  Preferably in a big, soft, comfy chair.  Sitting on the ground plays havoc with my knees and  throws my posture out.  Plus, people just step over you, or fall into you and you end up feeling more poked and prodded than on the 8.32 fast train to London Victoria.

All in the name of seeing your favourite band perform live.  Although, you can’t really see them perform because the stage is MILES away from where you are sitting/standing and there are 100,000 other people jostling to get a closer look at the tiny little speck of dust strumming his guitar in the rain.

You can’t even get drunk to pass the time while you wait, as we all know that what goes in must eventually come out, and after 2 beers that’s about every 20-minutes in my case.

Even if you get to the front of the portaloo queue before publicly humiliating yourself, you then have to stand in a puddle of someone else’s pee, as your bare bottom hovers precariously over a seat that is still warm from the ten thousand other bare bottoms before you.

Stale beer and smoke fumes fill the air.  Girls wear teeny tiny shorts teamed with big clumpy wellies.  You can’t hear what anyone is saying, let alone singing.

Then there is the total faff of getting home.

I find the whole experience really stressful and if I am being totally honest, a little bit boring.

It is the same with clubbing.  I just do not get the appeal.  I have no interest in complete strangers being in my personal space or in the sheer busyness of it all – the noise, the standing around, and of course the queues.

Call me middle-aged, but I would much rather sit at home and have my ipod on very quietly in the background; have friends over for lunch or an early dinner; eat out a nice restaurant or drive to a nice country pub.  I like my environment to be warm,  comfortable and in close proximity to my bed.

I do quite enjoy watching shows like The Voice and The X-Factor on the telly whilst sipping a very large glass of wine.  There have been many times during Judge’s Houses where I’ve had a cry when someone I like gets through.  I know!  But, I’d never be tempted to actually go to any of the live shows.

The Greek God(zilla) thinks people like me represent everything that is wrong with the music industry today.

He may well be right, but I really don’t care.


You can follow me on Twitter @grenglishblogfind me on Facebookand on Pinterest as Grenglish


  1. June 15, 2013 / 12:16 PM

    Oh my god I could so have written this post! (Only not as well as you!) I have been nodding my head throughout. Never been to Glastonbury and never wanted to, same goes for any other music festival / outdoor gig. Oh and also Notting Hill Carnival – went once under duress, HATED it, NEVER again! *shudders at the thought* xx

  2. June 15, 2013 / 12:46 PM

    I could definitely have written this too! I just don’t really get the hype. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that your husband has it completely backwards and that people who rave about big music festivals represent a lot of what is wrong with the music industry today. It’s so often become about being “cool”, going to festivals to say that you’ve been (and wearing your wristband for weeks afterwards – WHY???) and not really actually about the love of music and the artists behind them. Tramping around a muddy field doesn’t represent a true love of music to me and it’s a shame that that is the focus of so much of the industry now! I much prefer my live music to be smaller, more intimate, with seats, proper toilets, proper sound checks and less of the mud and rain! I’ve always been a bit of a home bird, preferring my creature comforts, good food and small groups of people to partying. If that means I’m not cool, then I’m cool with that!

  3. fluffyluffy
    June 15, 2013 / 3:58 PM

    Ditto that!

  4. Gill
    June 15, 2013 / 8:11 PM

    I dread needing a wee, so cannot ever attend any event ever again with a capacity crowd.

  5. June 16, 2013 / 3:01 PM

    I’m with you on the whole “out in public” thing. Home is better, especially since technology has improved so much that our TVs are better than movie theater screens, and our sound systems are better than stacked amps. I also really, really hate large crowds and having complete strangers in my personal space. “Hell is other people”… and I would add “especially if their elbow is in my ear”.

  6. June 16, 2013 / 7:51 PM

    As a youth I went to Glastonbury a couple of times, I loved it. The House Martins played it was that long ago. It was a lot smaller then, you could park by your tent. The loos where much more basic than they are now! a set of seats over a trench, open to the sky and the bloke next to you who might lean over to say hello.

    I’ve been to a couple of festivals since I’ve had my son. I’ve loved both of them. I think the RiGHT festival with kids is great. I’ve gone off grown up festivals a little bit. Glastonbury is a no no, I am sure it would be the most amazing experience, but the crowds are just too huge, the site just too big and frankly I can’t face something that is 24 hours! With family festivals the music stops and everyone goes to bed at 11 pm. perfect.

  7. June 17, 2013 / 7:37 AM

    I have fond memories as a kid of seeing Madonna in Nice on a family holiday (although Dad hid my eyes from most of it) but it was incredible and MJ in Leeds aged 11-my brother and I were soooo excited! I will never forget those times. I’ve been to the odd fest in my teens but not for a long time. I too am a bit worried about the smell, where to wee and too many crowds! I bet once there, it would be brilliant fun though and Coachella in LA looks like our kind of fest!

  8. June 17, 2013 / 4:47 PM

    I can”t possibly agree – but I can giggle at your festival grumpiness 😉 x

  9. June 18, 2013 / 4:26 PM

    I’ve been to a fair few festivals in my time and plenty of clubs… but I think Glastonbury is best watched from the comfort of my arm chair these days with a nice chilled ale! X.

  10. June 18, 2013 / 8:39 PM

    haha. I COMPLETELY agree. I don’t get the appeal either, maybe if I was 20 years younger.
    And don’t even get me started on those that take toddlers!!! Why? Why? WHY?

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