Scared of Blogging

Scared of Blogging

I’ve been writing about my life on the internet for a little over 4-years.  I have told stories about my family, shared my experiences of miscarriage, confided many of my insecurities, and trusted you with all the wonky bits of my personality.

When I first started writing this blog, only 2 people read it and one of them was me!

Sharing your life with the internet is scary.  People you do not know will read it and come to a conclusion about who you are.  Some of the responses you get will be overwhelmingly positive, and others not so much.  But, I never really worried about what the people living inside my laptop thought about me. In my mind, they are not real.  I know if it ever gets too much, I can just close the lid and make them go away.

But when the people you know in real life read your blog, they often want to talk to you about it.  Everyone you know, knows all your business. I have been stopped in the supermarket to talk about miscarriage, and asked on the school run how I am feeling after my latest Hashimoto’s flare-up. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when someone reads my blog, and even more when I have written something that has resonated with someone in even the slightest way – this is definitely one of the perks of the job.

However, every time I sit down to write a post at the moment, I start to think about the people who might be reading it – family, other bloggers, school mums, friends, neighbours… and the words fall out of my mind. I just sit there looking at a blank computer screen waiting for inspiration that never seems to come.

I have posts sitting in drafts that I can’t finish. I worry that they not good enough, funny enough, relevant enough, or honest enough.  I worry that all my words are shit. Or, that I am full of shit.

I have become scared of blogging.

Scared of offending, over sharing, being made fun of, talked about, or perhaps even worse, being totally ignored. I am not sure that the disappointment of spilling your heart on a page for only 2 people to read, is greater than having 3,000 people feeling disappointed that they bothered to click at all.

In the blogging community, it can also be easy to feel left behind.  There are so many ways to compare yourself to your peers in terms of pages views, social media followers, awards, opportunities and rankings.  Sometimes, I catch myself apologising for my blog for being such an underachiever.

I know I need to lean into the fear.

Accept that this post may not be the most perfectly crafted or interesting one ever written; and that some people may even find me self-indulgent for writing it. It may not be liked, shared or commented on and it won’t win any awards. I may even get asked about it at the park, weeks after I have moved on, when I’d prefer to talk about unicorns instead.

But I will publish it anyway because I’m not going to let the fear win today.

Tomorrow, we’ll see.

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Grenglish

Mum, wife, blogger, Greek dips lady.

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26 Comments

  1. Jackie
    May 20, 2015 / 6:59 PM

    Sarah, I love reading your blogs, some really funny, some incredibly sad but always a good read xxx

  2. May 20, 2015 / 7:15 PM

    Oh I tell you what, you are so on a roll at the moment even if you don’t feel like it! Not only was your ‘face’ post the best post I have read in AGES, but now you have described exactly how I feel in this post….I find blogging HARD at the mo when it used to just flow right on out of me, I miss the days when I didn’t censor or question myself!
    Sonya Cisco recently posted…The Gardens at Minterne HouseMy Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:39 AM

      First of all, THANK YOU so much for reading and commenting on this post AND the Face one! The Face one was quite easy to write, but it’s the first time in months that I have not struggled to put words on a page. It is reassuring to know that other writers go through this too though. I also miss the days when I didn’t feel the need to filter so much… 🙂

  3. May 20, 2015 / 9:42 PM

    I know this feeling so well. It took me a while to realise that what I put out there was not just being seen by strangers, but digested and thought about by those much closer to home. After a while I started to use that, to let people know what I wanted them to know, but couldn’t tell them directly. But even that feels uncomfortable, and I suspect makes them uncomfortable too, like there’s a whole unspoken agenda going on.

    I’m not sure what the answer is, but I can tell you taht I love to read what you write. Those who know you because of blogging, know you because of what you write, and not for any of your history or other relationships. And we love what you choose to give us. Keep doing it x

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:42 AM

      Thank you for the pep talk lovely! I think I just need to decide what I want this blog to be and try not to think about who is reading it. Your blog has never read to me like it has an unspoken agenda, always just so honest and beautifully written x

  4. May 21, 2015 / 7:01 AM

    Thank you so much, I really REALLY needed to read this today. I had quite possibly the shittiest of shit days in relation to my blog yesterday and this post is the only thing that has helped in any way (more than the bottle of wine and the hour long therapy chat with a friend). Thank you.
    Kirsty Rice recently posted…Until I Open My Mouth, No-One Will Know That I’m DifferentMy Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:45 AM

      Hi Kirsty, I am so sorry you had a shitty blog day. There are definitely many ups and downs when you put so much of yourself out there. I hope you are having a better blog day today and glad this post helped – although more than wine?! You are underestimating the power of a perfectly crisp, chilled glass of wine 🙂

  5. May 21, 2015 / 8:16 AM

    Well done Sarah for publishing. It’s actually really well written & loads of us bloggers will be nodding along. I’ve been blogging since 2008 and I vividly remember the first time someone at school spoke to me about something really personal and I said but how do you know? Duh! It is so easy to forget how many & who reads but I can’t stop as for one I love it but for two it is those people who mention it that show me I hit the mark & it resonated with them or those that ask me about my miscarriage that reveal themselves as the ones who care and I should be spending time with. Keep on, you are doing fab. Mich x
    Michelle twin mum recently posted…India: The Perfect Anniversary GiftMy Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:48 AM

      Thank you lovely. It is an amazing feeling when you hit the mark and a post really resonates with someone. I love that part of it and I just need to find a way to separate that from the writing process.

  6. May 21, 2015 / 12:46 PM

    IT’s funny how the lack of anonymity can make you very wary of what you write, I am the same. When the mums at school first started to read the blog, I quite liked it and the positive comments that I received but after a while it was there in my head, it is like they are looking over your shoulder when you write and I totally get what you mean. As for you being good enough, you are amazing at blogging and a brilliant writer x
    Nikki Thomas recently posted…The boy, his hair and my hairsprayMy Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:49 AM

      Ah, you are lovely! Thank you. I love your blog too!

  7. May 21, 2015 / 8:10 PM

    there seems to be a current shift in the blogosphere and I read so many people having similar thoughts, me included. Just the other day i was questioning if my blog had a sell by date as all the young fresh talent are so with it and so cool and I don’t feel like that anymore.
    I had a nasty scare very early on in my blogging journey and it changed my life so since then I have been ultra careful and scared just like you.
    It’s a pain as it changes the way you approach a post. I’ve even considered opening up a separate blog where I can let all loose and hang out and that seriously would only have one reader – me.
    Keep on xx
    Mari recently posted…Time Traveller | Miami beach | 2007My Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:53 AM

      Thanks Mari. I sometimes daydream about an anon blog too but keeping up with this one is more than enough! I have also noticed a shift and I guess it is just a matter of finding where we fit in this new community. I am so sorry you had a nasty scare early on but incredibly in awe that you continued to write and I love your blog – always feels fresh and cool to me!

  8. May 21, 2015 / 8:48 PM

    Great post! And i totally get what you mean! At the beginning of my “blogging career” i was a lot less concerned of what I was writing. These days I fear but than there are things that need to be said.
    Otilia recently posted…Glittery Glue Sensory PaintingMy Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:54 AM

      I find I can only write about something that is on my mind and if that thing is something I can’t blog about, perhaps it is not my story to tell for example, then I find it very difficult to focus on something else.

  9. May 22, 2015 / 12:14 AM

    I never think about who might be reading what I write (with the exception of my mum). Oddly enough there seem to be more people feeling a shift and as if they are reaching a Best Before date now then back a year or two ago when they was a massive surge in bloggers.
    *whispers* If I’m honest, I kind of think blogging might have peaked you know.
    No pearls of wisdom there, just impending DOOOOOOOM!
    *grins*
    Mammasaurus recently posted…Archaeological Museum of Rhodes (Hospital of the Knights)My Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:58 AM

      Ha! I’ll still be here writing about sausages and wine when the apocalypse hits!

  10. May 22, 2015 / 9:56 AM

    What a great post. Exactly this. I am sure I am being ignored because of something I have written – not that people actually know how to talk about anything anymore. I am glad you are still blogging and this is an important reminder of write like everyone is watching but do it anyway 🙂
    Pinkoddy recently posted…Ultimate Resource of Ways to Teach your Pirate Fan ScienceMy Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 7:59 AM

      Oh no, hope you are not being ignored lovely! Glad it has not stopped you blogging x

  11. May 22, 2015 / 3:51 PM

    Ahhh yes, I know this feeling so well. It feels like blogging is moving away from ‘blogging’ and into the magazine territory and it feels totally alien to me. I want to read about life and families and kids and feelings and I see more and more content designed to drive up stats
    But it is what it is. I’ve also been around since 2008 and seen so many changes. Seen bloggers burst onto the scene, make a scene, become top of every chart, realise it’s unsustainable and then disappear again. Cannot count how many times I’ve seen this. Also it’s ‘easier’ when your kids are younger as they don’t mind being photographed, don’t read your blog and don’t need ferrying to a million and one social dates 🙂
    I took the decision ages ago to just blog. Do my thing, do what makes me happy, smile a beatific smile at everything else!
    Also (oh god, there’s an also, I hear you say *blows raspberry*) I’ve stuck around here all this time because you write like you do so don’t go changing . . .
    Tara recently posted…Banana and peanut butter smoothieMy Profile

    • May 23, 2015 / 8:13 AM

      *bows to blogging guru*
      My favourite blogs to read are the ones about life and families too. I always wanted this blog to be something I printed off to give my son when he turns 18 as a kind of diary of his early years – I have to remind myself of that when I see things changing and panic about how I am going to keep up! I LOVE that you do your own thing. Thank you for such a lovely comment.

  12. August 11, 2015 / 3:26 PM

    This is is exactly my biggest concern about having a blog! It seem lovely when I read the blogs of other people but I am not sure if I want the people around me to read my personal blog. Thanks or sharing your thoughts. This post is pretty interesting for me as I am in a situation that I am thinking of these things. Anyway, I have a lot of time to think about if I will start a blog as we are moving to a new house. Greetings!

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