The Gift That Keeps On Giving

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

The local neighbourhood cats have taken to using our garden as a public lavatory.

It is driving the Greek God(zilla) insane.

He was out there again this weekend, turning over the gravel on the pathway and cursing under his breath every time he uncovered another piece of cat poop… except it was not really under his breath.

He stormed back into the house and announced I AM GOING TO SORT THIS OUT ONCE AND FOR ALL

You Go Girl!

About an hour (an hour!) later he returned with a new garden rake and a special repelling liquid to spray over the gravel.  A liquid apparently so foul-smelling to cats that it would send even the most feral one in search of another garden to go number 2 in.

Is something burning?  I asked about a minute later.

An overpowering aroma of a thousand burnt garlic cloves, mixed with fermented eggs and blue cheese wafted past and took up a permanent residence under my nose.  I could smell it everywhere I turned.

What is that?

The smell grew even stronger as I followed it to the kitchen where the Greek God(zilla) was playing with his new rake.

“I think the bottle leaked”  he admitted

I looked to the carrier bag containing the offending bottle and too right, there was a trail of liquid seeping out of it and reaching all the way back to the front door.

“I’d better check the car”  he added



He went out to smell the car.

“It’s leaked all over the front seat”  he said when he returned.

I went out to smell the car.

Yep, there’ll be no cats wanting to hitch a ride with us anytime in the near future.  No humans either.

After emptying a bottle of dettol over the kitchen and hallway floors, the Greek God(zilla) drove with all the windows down to a nearby car wash.

He called me from the waiting room, aka the pub, while it was being valeted inside and out.

He asked if I would prefer a citrus or sweet-smelling air freshener.

Whichever is the strongest  I replied.  I did not know at the time how those words would come back and bite me on the backside.

He bought 3 orange scented magic trees.  He put one in the boot, hung one from the rearview mirror and placed the last one directly on the passenger seat.

He was gone for so long he missed the entire bedtime routine.

When he got home, it seemed like a shall we open a bottle of wine  kind of night.

Fortunately, the smell in the house had disappeared by the time we woke up on Sunday morning.

However, the car still absolutely reeked of a thousand burnt garlic cloves with fermented eggs and blue cheese MIXED with 2 dozen orange groves.

The Greek God(zilla) drove around some more with the windows down.

By Monday morning, the smell in the car was no worse than if you had spilt 13 buckets of Tropicana over the dashboard.

We’ll have to brave it, I said to Zachy as I held my breath and strapped him in for the 10 minute drive to nursery.

Only the car seat started to move as I tried to adjust the straps.  I looked down and saw that instead of nestling securely in its isofix base, it was freestanding on the back seat – the car wash people must have unfixed it when they valeted the car.

I lifted Zachy back out, burst into tears, somehow managed to re-fit the car seat into the base, strapped him back in and drove to nursery, all the while trying not to throw up.  After dropping him off, I then drove to work for an hour with the windows down, the heating on full blast and the rain pouring in.

To get rid of the smell of oranges, the Greek God(zilla) poured Dettol over the passenger seat in the car.  To get rid of the smell of Dettol he sprayed a linen room freshener.

So now, the car smells of the cat repelling liquid, oranges, Dettol and laundry.  Plus we had to take the car back to Halfords to make sure the car seat had been fitted back in properly.

It really is the gift that just keeps on giving.

And there’s still cat crap all over the garden.

But never mind me, how was your weekend?

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  1. November 20, 2012 / 8:53 PM

    I’m really sorry but I laughed all the way through this, until you said you burst into tears, but then I laughed again. Sorry again! Brilliant. Hope you can manage a journey to work without the nausea soon X

  2. Shannon
    November 20, 2012 / 9:29 PM

    Oh my gosh!! Like Anya, I am sooo sorry for your pain and really glad it’s not me, but I am in tears laughing. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • Grenglish
      November 26, 2012 / 3:43 PM


  3. November 20, 2012 / 11:08 PM

    ah just stick a Christmas tree in there and you’ll be too busy worrying about needles in your bottom to notice the smell 😉

    • Grenglish
      November 26, 2012 / 3:43 PM

      hahaha good one!

  4. November 21, 2012 / 10:01 AM

    Oh no – that’s so horrid – but so funny at the same time – but I wasn’t laughing when you burst into tears – I would have done the same. The smell sounds awful … here’s hoping it wafts away soon. X.

    • Grenglish
      November 26, 2012 / 3:42 PM

      I’m still waiting…

  5. November 23, 2012 / 10:52 PM

    oh god – nightmare! but brilliantly written, really brought the whole episode to life (and sorry, I had to laugh too!) xxx

    • Grenglish
      November 26, 2012 / 3:42 PM

      it still smells 🙁

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