Two years ago, I stood on the stage at Britmums Live and read out a post to 500 people about being hungover. Ironically, I was secretly pregnant at the time and had not touched a drop of alcohol in about 7-weeks.
I was a different person then.
My blog was a little over a year old and I had written a lot of posts about sausages & wine.
I had met a few other bloggers in person, but I had yet to be part of a community of bloggers I now call my friends.
Great friends.
I took things for granted.
Like having a family, a job, my health, and my fertility.
People too, probably.
I was happy, but I was plodding along.
This week, I will take to the same stage again and read a post to 700 people about what happened next.
How in the weeks that followed, everything I knew about myself changed.
How everything I thought I knew about my body changed too.
How after a year of heartbreak and then another of not wanting to take anything for granted, ever again, I left my job, changed my diet and said yes when fear wanted me to say no.
I recently had a blood test, which revealed that my thyroid antibody levels were back within a normal range. People have asked what this means for us now, and I honestly don’t know.
I am a different person.
I have earned my new happiness.
In some ways, when I stand up there again this year, I am sure it will feel a bit like I have come full circle.
What I am really hoping for though, is closure.
*****
You can also follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Google+ and Pinterest
I will be at the front of the bloggers’ keynote sending you supportive thoughts (and passing you tissues) xxx
so sorry I won’t be there to support you when you get up on that stage but I know you’ll be brilliant and I’ll be sending positive vibes over xxx
So proud of you. I’ll be there with you and I know you’re going to be amazing xxx
Oh how I wish I could be there to see you on that stage. This post gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes. Your blog is amazing and you are a wonderful wonderful person. You will knock em’ dead. xxx
Ah I’d forgotten that! What a long time ago that all seems now. Whatever it means for you, I’m glad that you’ve found a solution to your health issues.
You will be awesome on Saturday – I can’t wait for you to turn me into a sobbing mess 😉
Will be hunting you down Saturday for a massive hug!! Xx
Very much looking forward to seeing you again, and most of all hearing you speak – it’s an amazing post! X
We didn’t meet at BM Live but I thought your keynote was amazing and moving and I don’t really have the words but thank you for sharing and maybe meet you next year.
x
We’ve tweeted since Saturday but your speech caught me totally unawares. It was my first BritMums, I’d only written about my own miscarriage experience earlier that week and feeling hidden were quite raw, once again. Listening to you was like reading my own post out loud again. Tears rolled down my cheeks and luckily everyone on my table knew me, knew why. Thank you for being brave enough to stand up and tell your experience to all – you are far braver than I.
Author
Hi Mary, thank you so much for taking the time to comment here. I am so sorry about your miscarriage. It’s such a shit thing to happen and there are no words to take that away. The emotions still catch me unaware at times too and when they do, knock the wind out of me.
I know you posted this in advance of Britmums but thought it was the most relevant place to comment! Sooooooo gutted I didn’t get to meet you at this year’s event! You were absolutely on my ‘must meet’ list but it was just so crazy and it didn’t help that no-one knows what I look like, or even what my real name is! ha! x I am hunting you down next year for sure! HUNTING YOU DOWN… LOL xxx