The Birthday Hoover

The Birthday Hoover

We had to let our dear cleaner of 8-years go earlier this year. She had been with us since our son was born, in fact, the reason we hired her was because I’d had an emergency c-section and was supposed to take it easy for 12-weeks. She would come every week and clean our house from top to bottom and when the 12-weeks were up, I just forgot to end the arrangement. It was only recently, when I started working part-time, that we realised having a cleaner was a luxury we could no longer afford and it was with a very heavy heart that we had to say goodbye.

So, the cleaning of the house now falls to us. Since Percy Pops came into our lives, I have noticed we need to vacuum a whole lot more! Our carpets are decorated with little fluffy black hairs and it’s really hard to get them all up. The vacuum we have at the moment is our old Henry, which has served us well over the years but is very heavy to keep carrying up and down the stairs. My dream would be to own one of those very powerful cordless vacuum cleaners! However, they do not come cheap so it’s only on the wish list at the moment (along with a range cooker, velvet sofa, loft conversion and a new car).

It was my birthday recently (45 woo hoo!) and as usual, the Greek God(zilla) left present shopping until the last minute. Actually, to give him due credit, it was 2-nights before.

“Amazon Prime, love” he winked to me, clearly after a few sherberts and with 36-hours to go.

He fired up his laptop and every now and again would call out things like:

“What about a new pot for the garden?”

“Do we need a new salad bowl?”

I told him that so long as he didn’t give me another pair of oven gloves or a wi-fi booster box in a Maplin carrier bag, then I’m sure I would love it.

After a few hours, he ran excitedly up the stairs to tell me he had found the perfect gift and had ordered it for next day delivery.

“It’s a cordless hoover!!” he announced proudly. I’ve never been a big fan of surprises anyway.

Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful here (painfully aware that I sound exactly that…). I would absolutely LOVE a cordless vacuum – just not for my birthday! Are household appliances really appropriate birthday gifts for your wife? I may not always give him the most exciting of gifts (annual cinema membership, books and PJs usually) but at least they are things for him to enjoy. Does he think I enjoy hoovering cat hair off the stairs every day?

Can you imagine if this year for his birthday, I increased the value of our household contents insurance, printed out the new policy document and said “Happy Birthday, Honey!”

When my face didn’t explode with joy and delight, he looked puzzled.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

I gently explained that while I would love a new cordless vacuum, I didn’t really want one for my birthday.

He looked even more confused.

Just get me some M&S vouchers, I suggested, having already been eyeing up a few new pieces for autumn.

“I am not giving you vouchers for your birthday!” he shouted “That’s so impersonal!”


He cancelled the vacuum cleaner, which was way over my birthday budget anyway and ordered a brilliant digital radio for same day delivery, which I love. So at least now I can now listen to Absolute 80’s while I drag poor old Henry around.


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