I landed back on the Slimming World scales with a giant thud and some 13-lbs heavier than when I stepped on them before the summer.
I wish I could say it was worth it, but I am struggling to remember a cake, ice-cream or glass of wine that I enjoyed enough to make the gain seem like just an unfortunate consequence.
THIRTEEN POUNDS. I feel so embarrassed. I was swanning around Crete in a swimming costume designed for someone a stone lighter. I was knocking back the rosé, eating all the crisps and ignoring my bulging waistline.
I’d also been avoiding the scales, whereas you couldn’t get me off them when they were moving in a more favourable direction. So, deep down I knew what was going on but a big glaring confirmation would have put an abrupt end to my summer of excess and I wanted to carry on living in denial while the sun was still shining.
When September arrived, it was time.
Seeing such a huge number appear on the screen was a shock. I think I was hoping to see about half that amount. I’ve been following the Slimming World plan for a while now, so I do know the weight will come off and I know the foods I need to eat and the ones to avoid.
Steering clear of the vino will make a big difference to how much I lose as although wine is not forbidden, it never is just a glass for me. It is 2 glasses, a big bag of crisps and a bacon sandwich in the morning.
I fared slightly better at my second weigh-in, losing 5 of the 13-pounds gained after a week back on plan. But I am so bored of it. I’ve been on a diet almost all of my adult life and I am still not at the weight I want to be.
I hate that I have no willpower. Or that it is so easily broken by the offer of a takeaway and a bottle of red.
And, I am so cross with myself for having to lose the same weight I have already lost multiple times before.
Weight loss is like a game of snakes and ladders. Lose 3-pounds, gain 2. Soar to the top of the board during the week and slip right back down to the bottom again at the weekends.
It is a game I am not winning but sometimes feel I will be stuck playing forever. I see so many people who have cracked it. People who have reached their target weight and stayed there. Are they on a diet forever too?
I am back in the zone now. I hope it will be different this time because I really do not want to be writing this blog post again another year from now.
It was a flipping great summer though.