Public Speaking: If you imagine the audience are all sitting on the loo, it will just make you want to go to the loo… again
Despite threatening to for most of Saturday afternoon, my stomach managed not to churn 3 slices of cake, 17 mugs of luke warm tea and regurgitate them all over the BritMums Live stage when my name was called out at the Blogger’s Keynote.
For this, I am mostly thankful to Kate (Witwitwoo), who coached me in the courtyard on how to slow down and breathe, then bagged us a sofa on which to attempt a horizontal zen like state.
We chatted, we laughed, and we watched a movie about a dolphin with a broken tail who learns to swim again. At least, that’s what we think it was about. The volume was muted and the picture was fuzzy and it was showing on two different screens about 30-mins out of sync, yet weirdly we still continued to watch…
I walked into the main conference room feeling calm, relaxed & confident. I took a seat near the front, turned back to look at the sea of people sitting behind me and felt instantly sick again.
Twelve outstanding bloggers had already stood up to read out their most inspiring, thought provoking and hilarious posts when my name was finally called. The crowd had been moved to tears, laughter and in the case of the excellent Hayley Goleniowska, a standing ovation.
Then I took my place on the podium and read out my post about feeling hungover.
I did ok. Not brilliant. I managed to both start and finish my post. I managed not to trip up the stairs. I managed to keep the contents of my stomach firmly in tact. I managed to breathe.
I forgot to look up from the piece of paper that I was clutching in my sweaty hands. I was too scared of losing my place on the page to make eye contact with anyone in the front row. I went too slow or maybe too fast, but it was over pretty quickly.
The relief consumed me… and then I desperately wanted to get back up there and do it all over again, only the way DorkyMum did!