I’d been dreading this moment for a while now.
For months, I had rehearsed the conversation over and over in my mind.
I did not plan to leave it right up until my bag was almost packed, but I just couldn’t find the right time or the right words to tell him any earlier.
Deep down I knew that I was avoiding having the discussion, aware of the devastation it would bring.
I continued selfishly making plans that did not include him. I had secret skype sessions while he slept peacefully in bed.
I even fantasized about all the things I would be able to do without him.
I started counting down the months, weeks and then days until we would be apart.
And, I did not feel guilty.
There was no remorse.
Just the excitement of something new.
Part of me even thought that he would be happy for me when he found out.
That he would understand.
That he would know this was something that I needed to do, for me.
There would be tears, of that there was no doubt. Then he would plead with me to stay, beg me not to go.
It would take all my strength not to stay.
I sat down next to him nervously, not sure where to begin. I decided to try with the most simple approach.
“Mummy’s going to America on an aeroplane, Zachy”
I paused dramatically.
“It means I won’t be here to put you to bed or take you to nursery for a couple of days, but Daddy will be here and I’ll be able to talk to you on the telephone every day.”
He continued playing with his cars, obviously giving me the silent treatment. This was worse than I’d imagined.
I tried again. “So, Zachy you see, I won’t be here. Do you understand sweetheart?”
“Daddy will take me to the park, Mummy?”
“Yes, Daddy will take you to the park”
“Ok then!” he shrugged before turning back to what he was doing, completely satisfied with the response. Not a flinch of emotion. Not a hint of a tear. Not one mention of me staying.
If I’d known it would be this easy, I’d have booked in a girls weekend away much sooner than this.
Poor little thing must obviously be in denial.
3 more sleeps to NYC.
When was the last time you got away from it all? Where did you go?
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Photo credit: Steve Bridge @ Flickr