If Only

Hugh Laurie was talking to Chris Evans on Radio Two this morning about releasing his debut Blues album and his reasons for recording it.  He said you should try not to have too many  ‘If Only…‘ moments in your life, and he is quite right.

If Only… I had taken that other job.  If Only… I had said yes to that opportunity.  If Only… I had married George Clooney.  He was talking about not having any regrets (as opposed to the other kind of ‘If Only I hadn’t…’ moments, which are of course ALL about regret and not what Hugh was going on about at all). 

You get the jist.

I avoided an If Only I had… moment of my own this week when I received a group email from the President of the East Dulwich WI asking if any members wanted to stand for the committee. 

This time last year, I would have simply deleted the email, feeling way too shy to put my hand up to volunteer and the opportunity would have simply passed me by.  

Something has definitely shifted in me recently though and I don’t know if it is having Zachy, returning to work, finally becoming a home owner again, becoming a wife or even a blogger, that gave me the confidence to respond Yes and then press send on the email, not just save it for later. 

Let me tell you now, I have NEVER done anything like this before in my life.  I don’t like to step out there on my own very often – the fear of rejection usually stronger than the desire. 

I felt ok about this though.  You may recall that I joined the WI at the beginning of this year in my quest to find new local friends and what better way to do that than to join the committee and really muck in.  And, just in case there was ever any thought in my mind of backing out, my name was there all neatly printed up on the AGM agenda as having put myself forward to stand.  I mentally practiced my happy loser face and found a seat by an open window in case the ground didn’t open up and swallow me when I needed it to.

Five members made it on to the committee that night, including myself (WOOPDIDOO) and I am delighted, absolutely thrilled to bits.  On a roll, as they also needed volunteers to man the Cake stall at the Goose Green Fair this weekend, I went and put my hand up for that too (come and visit me, I’m down on the rota from 11.30am-1pm). 

More than anything, I feel quite proud of myself for putting myself out there, pretty much the same way I did when I started writing this blog, when I became a mother, a wife and a homeowner.  There’s something very liberating about saying YES.  I am going to try it more often.  

Maybe I’ll even buy a Euromillions ticket tonight and win the jackpot… if only!


  1. St. Murphy
    May 6, 2011 / 2:25 PM

    Smudgerella you are AMARSING!!!!!!

    (although I’m a little nervous you are involved in a cake stall… you’re not cooking them are you????)


    • Grenglish
      May 6, 2011 / 2:26 PM

      God no! Can you imagine…

  2. Noo
    May 6, 2011 / 2:47 PM

    I love you Smudge! You echo my own thoughts sometimes (self doubt, paranoia yadda yadda). Trouble is – the big question I’m struggling with at the moment is ‘should we move to Sydney?’. If I follow your lead, I need to take a deep breath and scream a big, loud, lung splitting ‘YES”. Gulp. While I pontificate on that one though, I have managed to buy a Euromillions ticket

    • Grenglish
      May 6, 2011 / 2:51 PM

      I couldn’t bear it if you left but if the option of moving to Sydney was open to us… I know what I would say in a heartbeat! Is it an option? We need to meet up soon!

  3. Crystal Jigsaw
    May 10, 2011 / 9:56 AM

    It’s all about confidence and some days we feel we have more than others. You have got yourself out there and made friends.

    CJ xx

    • Grenglish
      May 10, 2011 / 10:52 AM

      I agree, confidence is the key and some days it’s just not there for whatever reason. Makes us all human, I suppose! I’m really pleased I’ve put myself out there and hope it means I’ll do it again with more ease next time 🙂

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