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Growing Up

I had a bit of a wobble around the time I turned 30. 

I was single, living in Maida Vale and going out too much.

I remember feeling overwhelmed by life.  

I did not know who I was, nor who I wanted to be. 

I had completely lost my way.

I had taken a year out in Australia to ‘find myself’ a few years before and returned home saying ‘I choose life’.

Within a year, I had picked up my old life pretty much where I had left off.

Everything was tied up in my job.  Friendships, relationships, social life. 

I was right back where I had started.

So, I put the wine glass down and decided it was time to grow up.

I quit the job that was making me utterly miserable, moved out of the flat that I hated and I moved in with my sister. 

Within a few weeks, I met the Greek God(zilla) and together we embarked on the most grown-up journey of all. 

We became parents, got married and were soon to be the proud owners of a VW Golf and a 20-year joint mortgage.

As I hurtle towards the big 4-0, I have been thinking back to how I started this decade and how much has changed.

I have a job that is a job, which I work hard at and enjoy, but my whole life is not tied up in it and has never been. 

Weekends are no longer a time for sleeping in, watching E4 in bed and spending an hour straightening my hair; but are for family time, playdates, trips to the park and endless kids birthday parties.

The washing machine is always on.

I have Toy Story  stickers on my Mulberry handbag and in my hair.

I start to panic if I do not know where the big red Lightening McQueen car is at ALL times.

I feel totally exhausted most of the time.

But, I would not want it any other way.

It has taken almost a decade, but I am finally starting to feel like the grown-up person that stares back at me in the bathroom mirror.

It is surprisingly the most calm and peaceful place I have ever been.


Image credit: the photo above was taken by a very talented photographer called Brock Elbank, who has only known me as a grown-up.  His wife, however, could tell you all sorts of stories…

You can follow me on Twitter @smudgerella, find me on Facebook,
and on Pinterest as Grenglish

Filed under: Life


Wife to a Greek God(zilla). Mother to our Grenglish son. Sometimes funny. Mostly not. Unless drunk, then I think I am hilarious.


  1. What a lovely post :-) I would NEVER have guessed that you’re approaching 40, you glam puss. I turn 30 this year, and this has absolutely reassured me that the best is still to come, thank you xx

    • I promise you Ruth, without a doubt, that the best is yet to come. It is a sense of self and happiness, that is hard to explain but increases day by day. Lovely!

  2. So true. Saturday mornings begin at seven thirty not eleven thirty and revolve around coffee shops and commons, not clubs and curry houses. And for me it used to be Lightning McQueen. Now it’s Harry Potter. And that’s just fine.

  3. Lindsay Owen says

    I remember then. I remember how unhappy you were. Remember how we used to say we’d look back on those times and laugh? Look what you have now! Loved your post xxxx

    • Thanks lovely. I do remember that, very well! So pleased to be on the other side now, although maybe still not laughing about it… cringing a fair bit though! xxxx

  4. Tears in eyes as I relate to everything you’ve said and was just telling a friend this exact thing. Children have made me rethink my priorities and I’ve never felt happier or more content xx

  5. That was such a lovely read. ‘I choose life’ – love it. And here’s the good news – it gets better as you get older. Maturity brings acceptance brings calm. I think the older you get, you start to blow those younger insecurities away and feel a lot more comfortable in your own skin – enjoy it! X.

  6. How lovely to look back on your last decade and feel proud of what you have become, instead of depressed at the thought of turning 40 (although if you’re anything like me, there’s a smidge of that in there too!) A beautiful post :)

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