The Greek God(zilla) is well-known for his DIY skills, although not necessarily in a good way. There was the time he decided to patch up the house using parcel tape, and another when he tried his hand at bleeding a radiator following an intensive 2.07 minute YouTube tutorial.
Last summer, after an external water pressure incident affected our entire neighbourhood, the Greek God(zilla) attempted to repressurise the boiler after growing impatient for the problem to be resolved ‘officially’. He pressed a button – that he was advised not to press – and inevitably flooded the kitchen! When we ran out of available saucepans and buckets to catch the flow, I took the decision to evacuate our son to a nearby friend’s house to wait it out. A few hours and HUNDREDS of pounds later, the house was dry enough to return.
For months, we have been incident free and the Greek God(zilla) has resisted the urge to touch any buttons that he does not understand, including the Apple TV remote and my MacBook Air.
But, it would appear that the temptation was just too great and on reading a disappointing number on the pressure dial, he decided to press the reset button on our boiler again. Probably because this worked out so well for us the last time…
It was the evening after the tube challenge. I had returned home a bit grimy after being underground all day, so decided on a long, hot shower and an early night. After washing the tube out of my hair, I slipped contentedly between clean bed sheets and settled in for the night.
As my eyes grew heavier and sleep was about to take hold, I was suddenly catapulted back into wakefulness from a loud noise downstairs.
I NEED YOU! COME DOWNSTAIRS! QUICK, QUICK, QUICK! COME NOW!!
Assuming the Greek God(zilla) had fallen victim to some unforeseen accident, I leapt out of bed and ran downstairs as quickly as my legs would carry me.
I found him in the kitchen, with his finger plugging a hole in the boiler and water pouring out all over the floor.
Did you touch the button?
NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PASS BLAME, LOVE. PUT YOUR FINGER IN THE HOLE, I NEED TO TURN THE STOPCOCK OFF OUTSIDE.
Well, at least, he had learnt something the last time.
So, there I was, standing in a puddle with my finger stuck up the base of our boiler, silently cursing the Greek God(zilla), when I heard him walk back in.
But, he was not alone.
IT’S OK LOVE, I FOUND A MAN OUTSIDE WHO CAN HELP.
And, then he was in my kitchen. The Greek God(zilla) and a man he just met on the street. A man on his way home from work, who had been unwittingly caught up in our drama.
And, there I was – leaning over wet appliances to block a leak, dressed only in a pair of old granny knickers and a flimsy vest.
I did not know whether to continue to stop the free flow of water, or use that arm to cover my free-flowing breasts.
The Greek God(zilla) did not seem to flinch and asked me to step aside so they could get a better look. I was about to be all indignant when I realised that he was referring to the boiler, not to his scantily clad wife.
I was soaked through and needed another shower, although with the water now turned off that was not a luxury on offer any time soon. As they poked and prodded at the boiler, I tried to discreetly squeeze past them, but the only way I could get my whole body through the gap was to hoik my boobs up over the kitchen counter and carry them over.
I covered my shame with a loud tut and a generous eye roll.
As I retreated back down the hallway, I saw that our front door was still wide open and everyone waiting for the bus at the stop opposite got a full view of me sloping miserably back up to bed too.
If the Greek God(zilla) can’t keep his hands to himself, I am going to have to invest in a better boiler suit.